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How to Create Healthy Boundaries

10 years ago
Elviera Schreuder
Wellbeing
What are boundaries?
A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. They affect all areas of our lives:
  • Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.
  • Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions.
  • Emotional boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others.
  • Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.

Signs that you need to set some boundaries:
When you find it difficult to say “no” to others, do things because you feel guilty or obligated, try to please others even at the expense of what’s best for you, or if you don’t express your thoughts and feelings when someone upsets you, you are putting yourself last and putting others first and THAT doesn’t benefit either parties.

How to set boundaries:
Setting boundaries means that you have to take ownership of your life. In essence you need to show up for yourself, love yourself and learn when to say “Yes” and how to say “No”.

Boundaries are about allowing good things in and keeping bad things out.
Some people have it in reverse where they constantly allow bad things in like hurt, abuse, misuse and keep good things out – like healing.

When you set boundaries, you will deal with angry, upset people and this will most likely make you feel anxious or fearful.

The main thing when setting boundaries is choosing LOVE. Love for yourself and love for others. What I mean by that is when you set clear boundaries, you will experience freedom from feeling abused, used, disrespected, etc. In turn I believe that you love for others will also grow because you will have healthy relationships.

In closing I want to ask you to do two things:
1. Respect other people’s boundaries.
2. Choose three boundaries to implement into your life over the next two weeks. It can be simple things like not chatting on your phone till 2am in the morning, but communicating your need for sleep and informing others that you will not be chatting after 10pm at night anymore.

That’s it!

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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠? You know that voice, right 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠?

You know that voice, right?
The one that whispers
𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘵
and
𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩
and
𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺,
𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘵 all.

It has you carrying 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.
A weight.
Smooth, cold, impossibly heavy.
A stone so flawless
you’re afraid to put it down
because you might
chip it.
You might
fail.

So you stand there.
Holding it.
Going nowhere.

—

Now imagine
letting it
go.

Hear it thud on the ground.
Leave it there.

And instead,
pick up 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬.

Progress is a different kind of stone.
Warm from your grip.
Rough with texture.
It has scratches from where you dropped it
yesterday.
And the day before.
It has your fingerprints
all over it.

This stone—
you don’t just 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 it.
You 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭 it.
You push it uphill.
It gains momentum.
Sometimes it rolls over your own feet.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘴𝘵.
You chose the stone. 
You chose to move. 

—

Progress
isn’t the absence of failure.

It’s
failure,
learned from,
woven into the story,
turned into footing
for the next step.

So here’s the choice, the only one that matters:

The flawless, immovable stone...
or the scarred, moving one?

The monument...
or the path?

𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐬.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 > 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

- Elviera Schreuder
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